How Long Should We Grieve By Mariette Kammerer
Excerp From A New Theory Of Teenagers by Dr. Christa Santangelo
The moment you accept a situation you begin to change your feelings as well as your thoughts. Your ability to respond rather than react increases. This is a yogic as well as psychological principle and could be considered central to many healing traditions. It’s important to note that this can only happen after working through difficult emotions.
The period of experiencing a range of emotions is essential to bringing yourself to this place of acceptance. The valuable practices of gratitude and acceptance are less effective when we’re in significant emotional pain, conflict, or turmoil. Emotions can change incrementally, and the process of change is iterative, meaning that is usually requires you to revisit your wounds again and again and to make multiple discoveries before the insight stays with you. Even as you step forward, you are always looping back so don’t be discouraged if you find yourself thinking. “ This again! I thought I was done grieving (or being angry or feeling intensely) over this!” Many people make the mistake of forcing acceptance only to revisit painful feelings again and again. As a parent you must spend time with your anger, your dark side the earlier parts of your upbringing in order to begin the process of accepting yourself and your teen.
In order to heal a person must revisit inner wounds over and over again. With each visit (within ourself) it becomes clearer and clearer. There is nothing wrong with looping back and revisiting, because with each visit one discovers new things. It is healthy to do that. The person will decide when the grieving period is over, and that can take years. A forced acceptance just does not work, is lying to self. How can anyone force acceptance? What comes to mind if a person moved on to quickly into a new partnership and has unresolved business. That of course many of us have experienced and it’s a losing proposition for both.
I would like to see more information on how we repeat our thinking and behavior and pass it on from generation to generation what we learned from our parents, the good, the bad and the ugly. I certainly talk about all of this in my program’s, it is the key to existence. As always, I invite your comments and stories.
Dr. Christa Santangelo is a LifeTalk Radio Contributor, thank you.
Mariette Kammerer – Author & Radio Talk Show Host
Director – KES Educational, Inc.
Business Coach & LifeSkill Coach
Creator – The Healing Mind Magazine
Creator of Conscious Living Retreats & Programs